I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize