if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i believe in u and ur pee
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