I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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