i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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