I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
