I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize