I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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