he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize