I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
