I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
