Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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