new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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