East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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