The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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