You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
