thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
