The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
