It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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