did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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