Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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