my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
