dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
