How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
