Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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