Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
