Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
