The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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