my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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