If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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