I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
