I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
