I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
