I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize