she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
