'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
