She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
