then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
