Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize