You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
