Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
