She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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