I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
