3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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