i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
