she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
