how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
