So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize