I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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