WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
