hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
