Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
