Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
