he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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