Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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