you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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