In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize