look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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