are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
