A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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