Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
