Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
