i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
