if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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