no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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