pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
