What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize