dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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