Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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