you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
