that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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