he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
