I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
