Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
