Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
