she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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