I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
